Self-Sabotage: Get Out of Your Own Way

Sabotage (verb): deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something)

We are only human and we constantly make mistakes. As humans we make plans and goals for our long term and short term futures. Sometimes we can maintain and reach those goals with little to no problem; other times we fall short and it’s usually because we stood in our own way. That is called self-sabotage: when we pull back from a goal or do everything we can to keep from reaching that goal. People do it all the time…sometimes without even realizing that they are doing it. When you have bipolar disorder, self-sabotaging comes a lot easier to you as there are a special set of behavioral characteristics that enable us to do so (i.e. difficulty concentrating, not finishing what you start, making rash/impulsive decisions, etc.). Unfortunately, I self-sabotage more often than I care to admit. You’ll learn why shortly (as I just learned why myself).

 

My biggest issue is with procrastination. Though procrastination feels good when I’m doing it or deciding to do it, it causes me a great deal of stress later as I start to worry about the deadline approaching. Because I, and most people, would rather associate with what’s familiar than the unknown, we don’t take those necessary steps and risks to reach our goals, getting in the way of our future and potential happiness. Self-sabotaging and self-fulfilling prophecy are very similar in that they have positive intentions: to protect ones self- but they involve negative thoughts and behaviors.

Jump starting the self-sabotaging process is easier than you realize. If you are a person like me and take medication for a health problem, messing up the schedule or dosage of that medication is one way to get things going. Please note that intentionally messing with your medication is extremely dangerous and can cause long term health problems (and put your recovery in jeopardy if you have a mental illness). I’ve never messed with my medication schedule or dosage because I was always too afraid of the side effects and consequences (one thing you will learn about me is that I’m a total scaredy cat). Let me give you an example of self-sabotaging and medication misuse.

 

Gina, 32, was a figure skater for most of her life. When she was 27 she got injured during a competition and was told she could no longer skate. To deal with the physical pain, Gina was given medication, and to cope with the loss of her skating abilities, she went to a support group. Gina had gotten very depressed over the next few years, and would occasionally take more of her medication than prescribed hoping it would take away all the pain. She loss her job and had to move back home with her parents. Her parents told her after a few months that she had to clean up and get a job if she wanted to continue to live there. Gina did just that. In a few months, she was clean and sober and even had a job interview set up. All she had to do was show up to the interview and the job would be hers (wouldn’t it be great if that’s how job interviews really went). Gina got nervous because she hadn’t been in an interview in a long time and she thought she would be judged and rejected. Therefore, instead of stepping out of her comfort zone and going to the interview, she parked her car at a nearby park and decided to go back to her old ways because it felt safer. Fear is a powerful thing. We’ll do whatever it takes to make ourselves feel safe and protect ourselves when confronted with a potentially scary and dangerous situation.

 

 

Having low self-esteem can act as a catalyst for those feelings of unworthiness and can prompt statements such as “I don’t deserve this” or “I’m not good enough so why even try”. I’m very guilty of this. For the longest time I had the lowest self-esteem and would always speak into existence my own downfall. My self-esteem has not really changed over the years, but I try to speak more positively about things, trying not to stand in my own way.

Denial is another mechanism we use to protect ourselves. For people dealing with depression or bipolar disorder, our biggest issues with denial is telling people that we are “okay” when we are anything but. A lot of people use that word because that’s how they want to feel. They don’t want to feel the symptoms of depression or bipolar disorder. Though it may seem like we are trying to convince others that we’re “okay” or “fine”, we are really trying to convince ourselves. I use the word in a different way. I’m not using it to deny to way I feel, but instead to avoid the questions that usually follow once you tell someone that something is wrong. I hate when people start to dig into your life not because they want to help or genuinely care, but because they simply want to be nosy.

Embracing new techniques is hard, especially with a mental illness. The constant change between lack of motivation and impulsive urges can make it hard. As I always say, change does not happen overnight, but by taking small steps we can inch our way to getting those big results.

 

Here’s an article about self-sabotaging for more reference.

 

Bipolar…and PTSD?

As you all know I have bipolar disorder. This diagnosis is still fairly new for me. A week ago, I was given something additional to add to my previous mental health diagnosis.

I recently obtained a new therapist (as I told you I would). I’ve been needing one so bad; I’m glad I was able to get a next day appointment with her. I knew I was going in with my bipolar issues, but nothing could’ve prepared me for what she told me at the end of our meeting. When I went into her office, she gave me two packets of paperwork to fill out. One was the usual health questions, and the other was all about my social life. She went over that and proceeded to go through a list of questions and symptoms, making notes along the way. (I think that is the worst part of therapy; seeing them take notes and wondering what it is they are writing about you, or if they aren’t just over there doodling as you’re talking. Sometimes I think I pay more attention to that than to what they are actually talking to me about.) By the time we got to the end of the long list of questions I was starting to regret putting myself through this process again. Having to reopen yourself over and over again to doctor after doctor can be….annoying and scary.After a few moments of silence, she told me that my answers indicate that I have PTSD. She said PTSD symptoms can mimic those of bipolar disorder, but she thinks I have both. (First session so I won’t go too much into the “I think” statements. I plan to give this time…enough time to explore the option anyway.) Given the things that I have been through, I can see why I might have PTSD, though it was never a thought that crossed my mind. I’m not sure how I feel about the new diagnosis at the moment. A friend and I joked that is was something else to be added to the long list of things that is wrong with me, but it’s true. That’s exactly how I view this new diagnosis at the moment. I’ve been told by so many doctors that I have this or I’m that in the last ten years that I’ve acquired a lengthy resume of health conditions. The list is rather long. Thinking about it gets me depressed at times (Even though I know there are other people out there in the world who are worse off than me, this is still my life and I have to live and deal with all of this.) I haven’t taken the time to develop any feelings about the PTSD diagnosis other than frustration and worry. I don’t really know much about PTSD other than what I’ve “learned” from my medical and crime television shows. Therefore, I decided to do a bit of research for myself, and thought I would share it with you all (just in case there is any false information that you can correct).

• What is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder [Syndrome] (PTSD)?

  • PTSD is a mental health disorder that some people develop after experiencing, for lack of better words, a traumatic event (i.e. sexual assault, car accident, natural disaster, etc.) It can happen to anyone as the types of experiences it takes to cause PTSD can happen to anyone. When someone goes through a bad situation, it can linger on the mind for days or weeks, causing stress and interrupting the everyday life and routine. However, it eventually goes away and things go back to normal. This is NOT PTSD. However, if the sleeplessness and flashbacks (and other symptoms) last for months, then it may be worthwhile considering PTSD as the culprit. For a long time, I thought soldiers were the only ones who could experience PTSD as nothing could be worse than the things they see and go through on a daily basis. Guess I was wrong.

• What are the symptoms of PTSD?

  • Reliving the event (flashbacks) is a key symptom of PTSD. Nightmares or memories about the event that feel real…feel like you are going through the event again. I would have nightmares about the things that happened to me all the time. After a while, things got better as I didn’t think about it nearly as often. I even, at one point, thought I had completely gotten over the incidents as I no longer thought about them. Later on down the road, the memories and nightmares came back out of nowhere (or so I thought it was out of nowhere). Flashbacks are usually triggered by something that reminds you of the event. Whether it be a sound, a smell, a taste, a sight, a feel, a look, an activity, etc. Anything, big or small, can trigger those awful memories and cause paralyzing fear and realistic flashbacks. For the longest I couldn’t stand the sound of the Weeknd’s music. It was a trigger for me. Sometimes it is still hard for me to listen to his music, especially one particular song, but I have tried my best to associate his music with more powerful memories as to push out the bad ones.

  • Avoiding certain situations that remind you of the event. This includes avoiding people, thought or feelings that remind you of the event. For people whose PTSD was caused by a car accident, they may avoid getting into cars, going down a certain street, the people who were in the car with if, etc.

  • Having negative thought and feelings. Guilt and shame are two very powerful emotions that can make a person do some crazy things just to get rid of them. This symptom, to me, is similar in nature to depression.

  • Feeling jittery. Symptom similar to that of anxiety.

• People with PTSD may also have other problems. These include:

  • Feelings of hopelessness or despair

  • Depression or anxiety

  • Drinking or drug problems

  • Physical symptoms or chronic pain

  • Employment problems

  • Relationship problems

• Can people with PTSD ever get “better”?

  • Getting better means something different to every person. In this case, we’ll say will they ever be able to live a relatively normal life, like the one they had before the PTSD? That all depends on the person, I’m guessing. There are many different treatment options for those dealing with PTSD: they fall into two main categories. psychotherapy (counseling/talk therapy) and medication.

  • There are different forms of trauma focused therapy techniques that help the person focus on the memory or the meaning of the event and ultimately change how you feel about the event. My therapist uses eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) , which involves focusing on sounds or hand movements while you talk about the trauma. This helps your brain work through the traumatic memories. We haven’t started yet, but I’m interested to see how this will work.

  • Just as for any other health condition, there are several different medications available to treat PTSD. The responsibility falls on the individual dealing with it (or their loved ones if the person is unable to make the decision themselves) to get the help they need. It sounds bad when you put it like that, but it’s the truth. If no one ever takes away anything from my blog, I want them to no that there is no shame in seeking and asking for help, ever. Everyone needs help from time to time…EVERYONE! Even these celebrities we idolize.

Now that I know all of this…my feelings are still unsure. I guess because it’s so new and I’m still playing the guessing game with myself. People think that you change as soon as you find out you have a mental illness. Being told I have a mental illness did not change me. Being told I have a mental illness explained why I have been changing over the years. How have I changed? Well….

1. When I was younger I used to be a silly, happy-go-lucky little girl who enjoyed playing and having fun. I can only get like that when I’m manic now. Most of the time I just want to stay at home, in the bed, doing nothing. Some people may argue and say there’s nothing wrong with that, and there isn’t anything wrong with that from time to time (it’s a way to relax for some people). However, when that’s all you want to do day in and day out for months, not even wanting to get out the bed to eat or shower, then you have a problem, and that was me. I couldn’t find the energy to move to do the things I needed to do, let alone the things I wanted to do. I lost interest in everything. Even simple things like watching television. I’ve picked up several hobbies from my manic episodes, but when I’m depressed I can’t find the inspiration for them anymore so any and all projects are dropped and left until I become manic again. And that’s hoping that my mind will go back to that when I’m manic again.

2. I always wanted to work. I wanted a job where I could help people. For a while, I didn’t mind working. I was enjoying the money I was making and the independence it was giving me. Somewhere along the line, it got harder and harder for me to work, despite somewhat enjoying my job. Luckily one of my places of employment closed down because I think I was on the verge of being let go due to the number of absences I had. I would, and still do, drag myself out of bed to go to work and if you have to do that, something isn’t right. I get anxiety going to work. At first, at my last two jobs, I though it was because I hated the job, but clearly it had nothing to do with that. The jobs weren’t that bad. They were both fairly simple. I’ve panic attacks at work and had to leave early. I get jittery (like 300 cups of coffee jittery) and have to leave early. At my current job, I’m risking being let go for the same reasons and it’s depressing knowing that I may never be able to hold down a job and make a living to provide for myself and my boyfriend. Thoughts like those spark other negative thoughts and then I get on a downward spiral going 60MPH. I’m working on how to change my behaviors and thoughts to make going to and being at work easier for me, but so far nothing is working. No one at work (or that I talk to, except a few people) understand where I’m coming from. They all think that it’s just an excuse not to work. There’s no fun in not having a way to provide for yourself. Money doesn’t fall from the sky.

3. When I’m manic, I get all these crazy and wild urges. My voice gets higher and my speech is more rapid (sounds so textbook, but it’s true), I start to sound like a child. I start spending uncontrollably on things I know that I need (though household items, I still go overboard). I start cancelling appointment because I “feel better” (but I keep taking my medicine because I think it’s the reason I’m feeling so good). The fits of anger that I can’t blame on hormones or another person…coming out of nowhere early in the morning and late at night. I torture myself with thoughts of my past, blaming myself because thinking back now I “knew better”. My social interactions, should I choose to have any, are limited to texting because I can control the conversation and choose when if ever to respond. I have flashbacks and triggers when I’m work due to the loud noises, yelling, and smells. Crying spells, chronic migraines and back pain…all a pain in my behind.

With all that being said, clearly you can see that I have a lot going on. Therefore I want all of you to know that while I’m trying to get my life on a relatively normal course, I’ll only be posting a couple of times a month. I’ll be keeping you updated on the progress of my treatment through my other social media, mainly Twitter (so go hit those follow buttons). I appreciate your understanding as I take more time to focus on myself and health (something I encourage everyone to do from time to time…take a step back, reevaluate and work on you).

Antipsychotics: Knowing What You Are Getting Into

Anti-psychotic drugs, just as any other medication, can have side effects. Antipsychotics are usually used to treat people who experience psychosis like those who have bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. This type of medication is very beneficial is used correctly. Don’t take any medication that was not prescribed to you by a medical professional. Taking a new medication can be scary. That’s why before you start a new medication you should:

1. Know the risks. Before taking a new medication you should do enough research to understand the possible side effects. If you have any questions or concerns, don’t be afraid to discuss them with your health care provider. It is important to gather as much information as possible so you feel comfortable taking this new medication. The more comfortable you are with taking the medication, and the more information you have, the more likely you are to follow the treatment plan correctly. Another reason to ask questions is to make sure the medication won’t interact negatively with any other medications yo may be currently taking.
2. Know that no two people respond to medication the same way. Just because a certain medication makes your best friend feel nauseous, doesn’t mean that it will have the same effect on you. However, it is important to consider close family reactions because it could be a genetic thing (i.e. allergies to a certain ingredient, etc.). Signs of allergic reactions need to be reported immediately because depending on how severe the reaction is, it could be life threatening. You should always be on the look out for your side effects too because if they become too much for you to handle, your doctor should be able to switch you to something different. Either way, it is best to keep your doctor informed at all times of everything going on. I e-mail my psychiatrist every week when we change something about my medicines just so she’s aware of the effects they are having on me. Sometimes she will change them immediately, and other times she will wait it out a week or two to give my body more time to adjust.
3. If you are really scared or against taking medication, there are several other alternatives that you can try, more natural, that are just as effective as antipsychotics. Therapy/counseling has shown to be an effective alternative to medications. Before you decide to switch your treatment, consult with your doctor to see what would be best for you based on your particular needs

At the moment, I am taking an anti-psychotic. When my mental health journey began I didn’t want to be on any medication because of the stigma attached to taking antidepressants and mood stabilizers. I also knew that I was bad at taking any medicine consistently and I knew that bad things could happen if you don’t take those types of medications correctly. Therefore, I decided that my best bet was to try therapy first, but as my symptoms got worse, I had no choice but to try an anti-depressant to “pick up the slack” since therapy was once or twice a month. By doing that I found that taking an anti-depressant and going to therapy worked best for me. As of right now I am only taking the medication, but I am in search for a new counselor since I have moved. (The joys of starting over with a new therapist! That was sarcasm if you couldn’t tell lol). My psychiatrist agrees that this would be the best move for me since it has worked in the past. You have to do what’s best for you if you want to be healthy and happy. Don’t make any important decisions based on emotions though. Make sure you are taking the time to think everything through. It doesn’t hurt to even ask friends and family for their OPINIONS! Just remember at the end of the day, the choice is yours.

Here’s a list of common antipsychotics used by doctors to treat bipolar disorder:

• (ripiprazole) Abilify
• (asenapine) Saphris
• (cariprazine) Vraylar
• (clozapine) Clozaril
• (lurasidone) Latuda
• (olanzapine) Zyprexa
• (quetiapine) Seroquel
• (risperidone) Risperdal

Here’s a list of antipsychotic medications used to treat schizophrenia.

• Abilify (aripiprazole)
• Risperdal (risperidone)
• Zyprexa (olanzapine)
• Seroquel (quetiapine)
• Cloazril (clozapine)
• Symbyax (olanzapine/fluoxetine)
• Geodon (ziprasidone)

7 Fun Facts About Me

I thought I would take this time to share a few fun facts about myself. It’s to give you all a chance to get to know me and a chance to break from all of the heavy content. I would love to know more about you as well. Leave me a fun fact or two in the comments. Let’s get to know one another.

1. I love to swim. My mother put me in swimming lessons when I was younger and little did we both know that she would be giving me my key to freedom. (I think I was a mermaid in one of my past lives…that’s how serious it is). Unfortunately, I don’t get to swim as often as I would like and it’s actually driving me crazy. When I’m in the water I feel completely free, like nothing else in the world matters and I’m the only person left. It’s a peaceful feeling that washes over me (get it…washes…water lol). I could stay in the pool for hours if you let me. It’s not just swimming that gives me this feeling though. Taking long hot showers (especially when I’m washing my hair) gives me very similar feelings. I just love water.
2. My favorite foods are anything pasta/Italian related and fruit. I could eat a different past dish for every meal and a fruit salad in between. I probably shouldn’t have so much fiber and carbs but it is so delicious. I recently discovered that I have gastroparesis…not fun. Basically, it takes my food maybe 6-8 hours or more digest where as a normal person’s food digests in an hour or so. My stomach can become very…agitated depending on the food that I eat. Unfortunately apples are one of those agitating foods, and I absolutely love apples. I’m learning slowly but surely (and painfully) which foods I can and can not eat. It’s not fun learning that you can no longer eat your favorite HEALTHY foods.
3. In high school I graduated as Valedictorian with over 20 college credit hours (my high school allowed students to take college classes if they had a 21 or better on their ACT; it was called dual enrollment). Although high school is when my depression worsened, it was the last time I felt “normal” (11th grade to be specific). My grandmother’s death was two months to the day before my graduation, and I believe that is what set the wheels in motion for my breakdown and caused my bipolar symptoms to come out of hiding. Luckily I was 99% done with school so it didn’t change my performance (maybe my attendance) in school. To this day, I remember exactly what I was doing the night before and what I was doing the morning of that phone call. Still breaks my heart.
4. I thoroughly enjoy doing DIY projects and crafts. It gives me the time I need to be creative (which is important for those with bipolar disorder). It also allows me the time I need to take to myself to do something that I love. When I’m manic, it forces me to sit down and focus and turn that restless energy into productive energy. I make things for my home, for gifts, things to sell to make extra money on the side and just for fun. I mostly do paintings and make jewelry, but I want to get into pottery, making furniture, etc.
5. I prefer cartoons and re-runs of old television shows over that things that are on television right now. Cartoons are funny and every now and then we all need a laugh. Classic television shows…they just don’t make shows like they used to and I appreciate a good television show. A lot of what’s on television nw has the same storyline but different people. There’s more reality television now than ever befre and I just can’t get into it. Most of the time you will catch me watching
   1. A Different World
   2. Living Single
   3. Law and Order SVU
   4. Criminal Minds
   5. ER
   6. Keenan and Kel
   7. House
   8. Murder She Wrote
   9. In the Heat of the Night
   10. Perry Mason (what do you know about that lol)
6. My favorite color is blue. Most people think that it’s black because that’s pretty much the only color that I wear. Don’t get me wrong, I love the way black looks on me and I do love the color, but it’s not my favorite color. I painted my room pink when I was a child because it was my mother’s favorite color and I wanted to do anything to please her. However, back then when people would ask me my favorite color I would say yellow. To this day I don’t know why I picked yellow out of the bunch. It’s a very pretty color, but I never owned anything yellow. It was just the first color that came to mind I guess and I stuck with it until I got older and had time to think about it. I hate when people would ask me what my favorite anything was as a child because I was too young to have developed a favorite anything. LOL.
7. I used to be in a semi-professional performing arts group called MYPAC. I would act, dance and sing and loved every minute of it. I also wanted to be, and still secretly do, want to be a singer, actor or model. I had the chance to live one of those dreams and though it got crazy, it was the best time of my life. One time when we went on “tour” I got to meet Martha Reeves and the entire group received the key to the city of Detroit. I felt like a real celebrity some days. The best part was that I got to do it with my best friends (at the time) and made friends along the way. I encourage everyone to follow your dreams if given the opportunity. The chances don’t come around too often.

Well that’s it. I’m not that interesting. but I figured this would be a fun little post that allowed you all to get to know and trust me a little more. Again, I would love to get to know a few things about you all. Leave me a fun fact about yourself in the comments. Have a great day.

Activities to Alleviate Depression

How many of you suffer from depression? It’s the most common mental health issue faced by people all over the world. Most people opt to take anti-depressants or see a therapist to treat the symptoms and illness as a whole. Though these methods are most common and effective, they are not, by far, the only methods that can ease the pains of depression and get you feeling better. Below is a list of 4 different things you can try besides or in combination with medicine and therapy.

• Get enough sleep!
  • Though it may seem like sleep is all you want to do when yo are depressed, sleeping and staying in bed for longs periods of time only fuels the depression. The best thing to do is try to make yourself get up and moving around. The easiest way to do this is to put yourself on a sleep schedule: wake up and go to bed at the same time every day and night. Trust me when I say I know this is hard, but the benefits are worth the sacrifice. Some days will be easier than others and vice versa, but as long as you are sticking to your schedule and putting your best foot forward, that’s all that matters. Due to my part-time work schedule, it is hard for me to stick to a schedule. I have a schedule set for the days that I work and one for my off days. I try my best to stick to them, but it’s not always easy, especially when my bipolar moods join the party. When I’m manic, sleep is the last thing on my mind. There are nights when I’m lying in bed trying to force myself to sleep and it never really works. During my mania, I get at the most 2-4 hours of sleep a night: usually going to sleep early in the morning and waking up later in the morning (i.e. 4am-9am). When I’m in my depressed mood, I tend to sleep for days it seems like. I try to get myself up and at least to the couch, but I end up going back to sleep anyway. I’m not perfect and I’m still working on getting a routine that works for me (as well as finding ways to help me sleep when I can’t), but it’s going to take some time. I will go on record saying that on the days when I am depressed but I manage to get up and out that I do feel better at the end of the day. Even if I do nothing but go to the store for groceries, moving around just makes me feel better. Try it for yourself. Here’s a link to an article about setting a consistent sleep schedule and how to do it.
• Stop eating all that junk food!
  • (So I secretly laughed as I typed that last sentence.) Everyone in the world is now on this healthy eating kick. Though it would be nice to join the masses, let’s face it, healthy eating can get expensive. So instead of saying eat healthier, I’ll say eat smarter. The goal is to eat at least 3 balanced meals a day with light snacking in-between. Make smarter choices when eating. Instead of a greasy burger, try a salad or a turkey burger and sweet potato fries. It’s not going to be easy to switch your eating habits, but be patient with yourself. It takes time and calls for you to be aware of everything yo decide to eat all the time. Most of us eat whatever is convenient for us at that moment and give it no second thought, and we all have our comfort/favorite foods. No one (at least I’m not) is asking you to give up all of that, just make better decisions when you can and try to eat 3 solid meals a day. I try my best to eat healthy, but it does not always work for me. When I’m at work, I don’t always have time to take a break and eat an actual meal, so I end up snacking on the junk food that’s in my pocket. When I do get a chance to take a break, it’s late at night, and whatever I eat stays on my stomach when I go to bed. On my off days, I try to catch up on other things and eating becomes an afterthought. I’ll try to cook dinner if nothing else, and I try to make that as healthy as possible (i.e chicken, rice and mixed vegetables). Most of the time I make “quick fixes” (i.e. Stouffer’s family meals, crock pot meals, etc.) that aren’t the best or too healthy, but it’s easy for me on those days when I don’t feel like doing anything. When I do eat “right” I notice small differences in the way that I feel and I even lose a little bit of weight. I’m having to design meal plans around both my and my boyfriend’s health conditions. I used to make meal plans and meal prep all the time until I got busy (it helped a lot). Here’s a link to a pin with 1000 recipes for meal planning.
• It’s okay to cater to yourself!
  • Dealing with depression can be hard and cause wear and tear on your mind and body. You have to treat yourself every now and again to things are you enjoy, that calm you and make you happy. Sounds crazy because when you are depressed you tend to lose interest in almost everything you used to enjoy. However, if there is one thing that you find brings you any peace (and it’s not dangerous) hold on to it and do it for yourself. It’s okay to tell people you are taking time for yourself. That’s not being mean at all because we all have to do it. Examples of mood lifting activities include: bubble bath, listening to music, reading book, taking a nap outside, gardening, watching a movie, or exercising. Sometimes giving yourself 10 minutes of complete silence where you do absolutely nothing can be just as effective. I have a “do for others first, and yourself last” kind of personality and I will be the first to say it’s not healthy. It’s nice to do for others and be considerate, but you have to remember to always take care of yourself first. If you aren’t okay and taken care of, how are you going to take care of someone else? I have a list of things that I rotate through (because one thing may not work one time and I have to move on to something else) when I’m taking me time.
    • Listening to music: I have SEVERAL playlists on Spotify that cater to my moods. Music is the best thing in the world when I just want to zone out.
    • Painting: I’m an amateur artist but I have discovered that I thoroughly enjoy creating something out of nothing. The joy I find in taking a blank canvas and turning it into a work of art is incredible. It also helps me release any negative feelings and energies by allowing me to put it onto the canvas.
    • Binge watching television: Certain channels are good for having mini marathons of television shows. When I find one that I want to watch, I’ll gather my snacks, my blanket, put my feet up and enjoy. I’ll even watch 2 or 3 movies as well when I’m tired of watching re-runs.
    • I just got into the “beauty” world, so lately I have been giving myself facials and doing sheet masks. I haven’t gotten so into that I buy the very expensive ones, but I do find it to be relaxing. Take a hot bath with a sheet mask on your face, candles lit with music playing in the background and just relax (straight out of a movie). Most of my masks I buy from Wal-Mart, Big Lots or Walgreens, nothing fancy, and they do the trick. I the picture you will see me wearing one that I bought from Big Lots. The mask was supposed to brighten my face, and even though I didn’t take a before picture, you can tell from looking at my neck and comparing it to my face that it did brighten and rejuvenate me just a little bit. It just felt good to do something for myself because I was feeling little stressed out.
    • 
    • Before
    • 
    • After

• 
• Learning to love yourself.
  • Learning to love who you are right now and not what others want you to be is important for everybody. If you are always trying to live up to other people’s expectations, let’s face it, you’re going to be unhappy. Honestly, no matter how hard you try you’ll never be able to truly live up to another person’s standards. There will always be something they want to change about you. We all have good and bad qualities; no one is perfect. Everyone in this world has something to offer and we all deserve respect and kindness from others. There are many different things that make up a person that make them special. No two people are alike, not even twins. I just started learning how to accept the person I am. I had to realize that I could never be the person everyone wanted me to be because I’m only one person and I’m only human. I had to learn to be who I wanted to be and be okay with that person. I couldn’t be happy if I wasn’t happy with me, and I would never be happy if I didn’t realize that. I still don’t know who I want to be and I’m okay with that. I’m okay with being imperfect. I’m okay with the fact I’m still searching for who and what I want to be. I’m okay with me being me. Some days I bring myself down thinking about where I wanted to be in life right now, but then I remember everything happens for a reason. Maybe I’m not meant to be where I wanted to be, or the person I thought I was going to be. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You have to remember you are doing the best you can.

There are several different methods that can help ease the pain of depression. Try what you see here or what you find doing your own research and let me know what worked for you.